How to Achieve Your Goals with Effective Communication

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August 30, 2016
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November 27, 2018

How to Achieve Your Goals with Effective Communication

When you can more effectively and productively communicate with yourself, you can communicate better with others. And when you communicate better with other people, you’re in a better position to achieve your goals and live the life you want.


You have goals that you want to achieve, don’t you?

What are they?

Think about the one goal that’s super important to you—the thing that you want to have, do, achieve, or become more than anything else.  Have it in your mind? Seriously, think about it. What will it take to make it happen?

You’ll probably need to gain some more knowledge and experience. You’ll need to reach out and connect with the right people. You’ll need to produce certain results.

One of the most important things we can do to best position ourselves for success is to connect with the right people.

Have you heard the saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”? It’s true, isn’t it? People are our most important resource.  People are very interesting and sometimes seemingly very complex, aren’t we? 🙂

Effective communication with other people is vital to our ability to achieve our goals. We need to persuade people to like us, trust us, believe us, believe IN us, buy our products and services, promote us, and cooperate and work well with us and the other people on our team. This is why I really believe in the power of productive and effective communication with other people.

But, how often do you focus on communication with the one person who you talk with more than anyone else in the world!? NO! Not your mother!


How much time and energy do you spend on better understanding yourself, how you think and behave, and how you communicate with yourself?

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t commit as much time and attention to it as you really need to in order to feel your best and perform at your highest level.

Whether you’re a sales person, manager, entrepreneur, a professional of some kind, athlete, entertainer, or executive you MUST learn how to more effectively and powerfully communicate with yourself to produce better results more consistently.

I simply want to share a few simple ideas with you to get yourself started—or maybe RE-started— on your journey to better understand yourself and how you communicate with yourself to feel better and to produce better results.

Writing notes usually helps me to think about and remember what I read. It may help you too. So why don’t you grab pen and paper if you don’t have it in front of you now?

The first thing to note is that the things that happen in your life are only as real as the meaning you give them.

This analogy might be a bit of a stretch, but I think it will start to paint the picture a little better for you.

I’m sure you’ve been asked or you’ve heard someone asked before, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound?”

Well… What is YOUR answer?…

When I was MUCH younger, my seemingly logical response was always a reSOUNDING (get it??…) “YES! Of course it makes a sound! Seriously, think about it. Even if no one is around, when the big tree comes plummeting down to the ground and smacks the ground hard it MUST be loud!”

Well, I was right… and I was wrong. Let me explain.

TECHNICALLY, sound waves would be created by the falling tree—sound waves are simply created by the displacement and movement of pressure through some medium like air or water. But, from a human being’s perspective, a sound is not actually created until those sound waves are RECEIVED into an ear and then PERCEIVED by the brain. So, from the perspective of a human being’s reality, the tree falling in the woods would not make a sound unless there was someone close enough to receive the sound waves into his or her ear canal and then perceive the sound with his or her brain and nervous system.

Likewise, an event or situation that occurs in our lives is neutral by nature. However, once we receive the message through our senses, our brains translate the event or situation into some meaning that we decide upon–consciously or unconsciously. And once our brains decide what something means, a message is instantaneously transmitted to the rest of our body and we create certain emotions and physiological responses.

Let me give you an example:

Have you ever been running late for work? You get in your vehicle, look at the time, and realize Oh crap! I’m late! Based on your experience of how long it usually takes you to drive to your office, you realize you’re going to show up two minutes late. If being on time is important to you, or if you feel being late could have negative consequences, your body will flood with emotions and feelings of stress, frustration, and angst.

Let’s quickly compare that reaction to the times when you’re driving to work and you know you’ll easily be ten minutes early. What do you do when you’re totally certain that you’ll easily arrive early to the office? Do you cruise, turn up the radio, jam out, smile, and have some fun while feeling good about the day to come? Needless to say, you probably feel significantly better when you know you’ll be early rather than late to any event or meeting.

But now, because you’re going to be TWO MINUTES LATE, you shut off the radio, put both hands firmly on the steering wheel at 10 and 2, sit at attention, and continue to allow your brain to create nervous thoughts and feelings about the potential consequences of your late arrival to the office.

Interesting, isn’t it?

You’re in the same vehicle, driving the same route to work, going to the same office, and only one thing is different. You’ll be arriving two minutes later than you normally do.

I really want you to take away the concept that the events of your life only have meaning and significance based on what you decide the events mean—consciously or unconsciously. In fact, most of the “meanings” we create for situations are very much decided and created below the conscious level. You’re not even aware of your own decision!

So when you actually take a step back and bring the meaning and feelings up to your conscious awareness, you may decide that arriving two minutes “late” is actually not a big deal at all because you almost ALWAYS arrive twenty minutes early. Does this perspective make sense?

It could be a really helpful exercise and habit to start slowing yourself down. And when you feel a negative emotion, give some objective, non-emotional thought to where and how that feeling was created. This is a great, simple first step to better understanding yourself and how you communicate with yourself.

I’m confident that you’ll find most of the meanings you dole out to the events and situations in your life are created totally unconsciously without any basis of logic or reason. Because of this, you have the power and ability to start consciosly creating more powerful and empowering meanings for the things that happen in your life.

Imagine you’re talking with a prospective customer or client, your boss, your employees, your coach, your teammates, a friend, a family member, or a business partner. Imagine you need to communicate a message to that person in a way that persuades him or her to make a particular decision that would lead to a result that you desire—one that hopefully also is in the other person’s best interest. Imagine you have total confidence and clarity in your message and in the way you share and communicate that message. That could feel pretty good, couldn’t it? It could be helpful, right?

See, when you can better understand yourself and how you communicate with yourself consciously and unconsciously, you will be in the best possible position to communicate with others and to produce greater results for your team, your organization, your family, and for yourself.

If you found this article valuable, go to my website and subscribe to receive my weekly newsletters on self-talk and self-communication to help you best position yourself to produce better results more consistently. You can also follow me on Instagram @jjpeller. AND you can find my video content on YouTube and my Facebook business page (J.J. Peller).

Let me know what your’e working on. I’d love to hear from you. You can email me with any questions and comments at

Until next time: Have fun. Be awesome!


  1. J-Reas says:

    Love it JJ!
    You’re words remind me of the words of Martin Lloyd Jones…TALK TO YOURSELF instead of always just listening to yourself…there is power there!
    Here are his words:

    “I say that we must talk to ourselves instead of allowing “ourselves” to talk to us! Do you realize what that means? I suggest that the main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you in the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s [David in Psalms 42:5, 11] treatment is this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: “Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.” Do you know what I mean? If you do not, you have had but little experience.

    The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: “Why art thou cast down” – what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: “Hope thou in God” – instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and What God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: “I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God.”